Story courtesy of TheEggplant, a satirical news service

"When the subpoenas fly, the hard drives die."

Preiously unemployed, John Smith has received five job offers since the Lerner Excuse Act went into effect
Previously unemployed, John Smith received five job offers since the Lerner Excuse Act went into effect

With many teenagers having found jobs due to the Lerner Excuse Act, violent crime is down 50% -- Newark mayor, Jennifer Didier

Employers are creating more than four million jobs under the Lois Lerner Employer Excuse Act, according to a new study by the Job Research Institute of Washington DC.

The job gains come from efficiencies employers gain by ignoring myriad regulations from the EEOC, OSHA, EPA and 74 other federal agencies.

“I brought back production from China and Mexico,” says Alan Kinger, owner of ABC Plastics in Pussy Creek, OH.   “We off-shored because we couldn’t keep up with all the regulations.   Now, under the Lerner Act, I can just report that my computer crashed when regulators come and check on me."

By ignoring EPA regulations that never made any sense anyway, we've hired 2500 more people  -- June Thomson

Although the Lerner Act, inspired by former IRS-official Lois Lerner's 'lost' emails, does not nullify regulations, it does allow anyone to ignore federal law under a variety of new excuses.

“My-Email-Got-Deleted is my favorite and it allowed me to hire an additional 50 people,” says Jill Brinkman, owner of Brinkman Call Center of Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico.    Previously, Brinkman said that burdensome Obamacare regulations kept her from hiring more.

Hard-hit West Virginia is also recovering under Lerner.   "Now that we can ignore all these EPA regulations that never made any sense anyway, we've hired 2500 more people," says June Thomson, Dynamic Forms Inc, of Odd, WV.

"Lerner rolls back decades of awful legislation that discouraged employers from hiring directly, so despite improving the job market and the economy over all, it's a wash for the staffing industry."  -- temp industry spokesperson

One group against the Lerner Excuse Act is the National Group of Temp Agencies.  NGTA spokesperson Jaime Phillips says the new law cuts both ways:

"We're delighted the government is making it easier to hire people, but this will negatively impact the industry for the short term," say Phillips.  "Employers use us for a variety of reasons: as a better way to find and screen people, as a tool to improve cash flow, and - before Lerner - as a way to lessen the blow of awful employment law."

Phillips continues, "Lerner rolls back decades of awful legislation that discouraged employers from hiring directly, so despite improving the job market and the economy over all, it's a wash for the staffing industry," says Phillips.

Retail workers have become the new law's biggest cheerleaders.   "Under Lerner, jobs are everywhere now, and I just got a new one at double my old pay." says Jim French, a barista in Seattle.  It's a long way back for French who had previously been laid off when Seattle implemented a minimum wage law.

French explained that "with the artificial constraints on labor demand abrogated, jobs are everywhere.  Demand for retail workers is so high, my old employer offered me $20/hr to come back."   French plans to open his own shop now that employing people is so much easier.

Teen crime has plummeted under the Lerner Excuse Act as well.  Newark mayor, Jennifer Didier, says violent crime is down more than 50% now that the teens are busy working again.

Her police union however registered concerns about the demand for officers.   "It's true that with so much less crime, we've cut down on overtime for police officers," says Didier.

Tags: News