From “The Eggglant”, with a hat-tip to the New Yorker:

Hi Gregg

I’m Cecilia your new rep at DGK Group Interactive Marketing, and I’m here to get you blasting off and sailing with streaming bipolar linked-in DMs, techmemes and Farmville tweets which will railroad you to social media success.

The first thing we’ll need to do is get your blog moved off Blogspot and onto Wordpress. After the Friendfeed interface begins zipping the Delicious tags over to Facebook, we’ll iPhone the smackdown into a bit torrent.

My colleague Gilbert F. Samuelson who just came to us from the Star Tribune will start writing ghosted posts along with you. Gilbert as you know has been leading the panels at the Twin City Social Media Breakfast #smbmsp.

At least I hope he’ll be working on your account because he wasn’t quite sure he was going to accept our job offer, and I also heard that another client was going to contract for him at our full consulting rate.

So please make sure to keep up your own posting. We recommend three posts minimum per day with at least one of 1000 words.

We’ve given your userID and password to our offshore blogging group in Bangladesh just in case. Those guys there will keep the content coming. And as you know, “Content Is King”.

You might be worried about their English skills, but have no fear. John from our Knowledge Transfer department is over there now teaching our course “From Bengali to English in Three Easy Lessons”. Actually, I think he’s doing the course via webinar – everything is online these days you know!

I’m sure their posts will create that riveting content necessary to establish you guys as gurus in your space.

Jeff, I’m really looking forward to working with you and the rest of the Cordavant Software team in establishing your messaging in the legacy software space.

Best,

Cecilia

PS I’m going on maternity leave next week. It looks like Angela might be the one filling in for me while I’m gone.

Tags: Advice